Ramadan is fast approaching in sha Allah and whilst we look forward to a spiritually uplifting time full of reflection and worship, it can also be a breeding ground for challenges and bitterness between a mother and daughter-in-law.
Coming from different family backgrounds where, routines, traditions and expectations may be conflicting or unfamiliar, there can be some tensions as the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law both try to find their footing in this new dynamic.
Perhaps the daughter-in-law has spent many years attending late night taraweeh prayers and now she’s being asked to stay at home and tidy the kitchen or prepare dishes for suhoor.
Maybe the Mother-in-law has a particular way she likes to do things and she’s feeling threatened by her daughter-in-law's new ideas.
What is meant to be a time of spiritual cleansing and reconnection to our Lord, can become a battle ground that poses to jeopardise all your good deeds.
So how can we overcome this struggle, renew our intentions and instill harmony within our homes this Ramadan?
The blessed days of Ramadan provide us vast opportunities to fill our bank of akhirah by enduring the period of fasting, engaging in extra ibadah and sharing this joyous experience with our loved ones.
But balancing commitments and responsibilities with worship, be it reciting, memorisation and understanding the Quran, or praying additional Sunnah prayers and engaging in night prayers might become overwhelming.
When we focus on the more obvious examples of ibadah during Ramadan, we may then tend to neglect our other responsibilities and indeed our relationships too. We think that it’s just one month and other things or people can wait. However, to truly maintain peace, love and harmony, we need to tend to the needs of our family as well as performing our ibadah.
We need to reflect upon the purpose behind our worship, not just during Ramadan but at any time. What is the purpose of reading the Quran, abstaining from food and water and standing in prayer?
The purpose of all these acts of ibadah is to perfect our character as shown to us by the living example of our Prophet ﷺ .
He was known for his exceptional character.
And indeed, you are of a great moral character. (Surat al-Qalam 68:4)
He (ﷺ) was the best example of compassion and kindness.
Both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law should realise that helping each other will empower them in their worship to Allah.
Our beloved Prophet ﷺ said,
“The most beloved people to Allah are those who are most beneficial to people. The most beloved deed to Allah is to make a Muslim happy, or to remove one of his troubles, or to forgive his debt, or to feed his hunger."
Source: al-Muʻjam al-Awsaṭ 6/139
Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Albani
If a daughter-in-law can reframe her perspective during Ramadan and see the amazing opportunity she has of being amongst the most beloved people to Allah, when she is being of benefit to her family members and feeding them. Imagine how her days will be filled with barakah when her intention is to care for those around her and strengthen the bonds of the family through this nurturing.
We can all benefit immensely from removing time wasters and managing our time wisely. Trying to sleep early and getting up a little earlier to pray night prayers without missing out on the amazing reward of feeding others, these things whilst they may appear tiring, will in fact give us such energy and fulfilment.
Whatever good deed we do will not go unnoticed and unrewarded by Allah, in sha Allah and both Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law should keep this in mind if they have moments of feeling overlooked or unappreciated.
A Mother- in-law should also try to remember that Ramadan is the month of mercy, of giving and sharing and this sentiment should be extended to her daughter-in-law too.
These reminders will make both parties steadfast in the path of good without feeling threatened by the other.
Whatever a mother-in-law does, if she does it sincerely to please her Rabb, she will be rewarded. If she makes Du’a for her daughter-in-law’s during the blessed month, even for the things she feels she needs guidance in, she can be reminded that it’s her own guidance that she asks for too, as we are told;
…“No Muslim servant supplicates for his brother behind his back but that the angel says: And for you the same.” (Sahih Muslim).
If the mother-in-law can show mercy to her daughter-in-law and help her in the household chores and have a forgiving nature towards her, she can be reassured that Allah will have mercy on her and forgive her too.
Be merciful to others and you will receive mercy. Forgive others, and Allah will forgive you.”
Source: Musnad Aḥmad 6541
Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Ahmad Shakir
May Allah allow us to pass through the month of Ramadan with open and forgiving hearts. May He help us to maintain the ties of kinship and recognise the importance of supporting one another during this holy month. May He allow us the insight, to see all roles and responsibilities during this time as ibadah and may He afford us the humility to know when we need to do more, or likewise when we need to tone things down.
May it be a blessed time that strengthens the bonds between family members for the sake of pleasing Allah alone. Ameen.
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